"Many
of you still have this childlike notion that you
don’t have to take too much responsibility for
finding your own happiness. You still believe in
the fairy tale that it is someone else’s fault
that you are not happy or successful."
Dr. Phil McGraw
Author: Self Matters: Creating Your Life from
the Inside Out
Webster’s Definition of Responsible: "To
be liable and accountable for one’s acts or
decisions; answerable."
Today’s society would like us to believe that
our situation or anything else that keeps us
from achieving our wants or desires is someone
else’s fault. Of course, deep down we know
this is utterly false. Responsibility is the
high road; to
not take responsibility means we can blame
everyone but ourselves for our current
circumstances.
Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled stated that
one of the most difficult psychological
conditions to treat is Character Disorder --
where a person truly believes other people are
to blame for all his or her unfortunate
situations. How do you treat people who blame
everyone and everything and take no personal
responsibility? Character Disorder is a sad and
pathetic condition.
Just look at the law suits caused by adults who
are assuming no responsibility for their
choices. One example is individuals who are
taking fast food businesses to court because
they claim they got fat from the food the
business served. Hey -- these people drove
themselves to the location, ordered, paid, and
ate the stuff; where does their responsibility
come into play? Individuals who blame others
have not only relinquished responsibility, they
have
transferred power, control, and influence over
their lives to someone or something else.
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I want
you to think about individuals you know whom you
respect and, in your opinion, are very
successful and happy in their lives. Of these
individuals, how many constantly blame others
for their situation? How many play the victim
card or make excuses for their situation? If
your experience is similar to mine, almost
nobody with those characteristics would have
your respect, nor would he or she be successful.
Acting like/being a victim and being successful
and happy rarely coexist.
I’ll share a personal example. A few years ago
a friend became involved in an investment
opportunity. After several months of checking
out the venture, I invested thousands of dollars
into the project. Several months later --
ironically, on 9/11 -- it was discovered that
the entire investment scheme was a con. Over $1
million from several investors was lost. I was a
victim of a crime, yet I take responsibility for
my choices. Nobody made me invest; I made that
choice. If I did not take responsibility for my
choices, it would be like giving my power and
control over to the criminals -- which would be
worse than giving them my money.
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Where in your
life are you not taking responsibility for your
situation or condition . . . in your health,
relationships, business success, personal
success, financial condition, plus much more?
Groups in society can take this position,
too. I’m not saying we shouldn’t grant
compassion or support but former Minnesota
Governor Jesse Ventura said it best when he
spoke to a single mom demonstrating for
financial support on the steps of the
Legislature: "You made the choice to sleep
with a stranger, which resulted in your child.
Why should society and taxpayers
pay for your choice? It’s time you took
responsibility for your actions."
Many of us have
something for which we have not taken
responsibility, me included; the key is to be
aware of the cost we are each paying by playing
the blame game.
Taking
responsibility helps you access confidence and
feelings of fulfillment. This approach causes you to
seek solutions and action steps. Playing the victim
game dis-empowers you, leaving you with emotions of
hopeless, helplessness and even bitterness.
Which person
would your friends call you: the powerful and
responsible individual or the pathetic and weak
victim?
You and only you are responsible for your life. Take a
few moments to read the action list. If you don’t
get around to reviewing the list, don’t blame
anything or anybody but yourself.
1. Choose to take full responsibility for your life
and everything in it.
2. If you always want to be right, you are not taking
full responsibility for your situation. Stop this
behavior immediately -- but only if you want to be
happy.
3. Identify all the areas in your life where you are
blaming others. List them on a sheet of paper.
4. Once you have completed your blame list, reverse
each item; outline how you are going to take
responsibility.
5. Now that you have taken responsibility for your
circumstances, whatever they are, list the action
steps you can take or note the new attitude you can
assume to improve your condition.
6. When you are clear about your responsibility action
steps, observe the personal energy and power that you
feel from taking ownership and being solution-focused
vs. being the victim.
7. Implement this process continuously . . . for the
rest of your life.
8. Remember that taking responsibility is not a sign
of weakness; it empowers and equips you for success.
9. Pay attention to the difference it makes in your
success and happiness levels when you take
responsibility. Use this evidence as a personal
emotional anchor for whenever you fall into the blame
game.
10. Look at the attitude of your close friends and
colleagues on the topic of responsibility. If you are
hanging out with individuals who do not take
responsibility (read: Character Disorder), either
refuse to play their game or make new friends. Avoid
being sucked into anyone’s habitual misery. Run
away. And run fast.
Until next time, keep "Living on Purpose." |
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Article
by Ken Keis |
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